In my absence, 
I felt her presence. 

In my heart
She was omnipresent
She was everywhere
And I was nowhere

I was lost in no man's land
When she came into my world
And shot flames
Into my soul

Memories of her
Memories of us
I took with me 
As I left our castle 
And rode out on a splendid horse

I went out.
Out into the world
In the hopes that
I could give it to her.

But she was my world.
She was my home.

She saw me rise
In world affairs
And waited patiently for me
To come home.

I was living in two worlds.
I was living two lives.
I was living a lie. 

A blind man
May not have sight
But his heart can still see

See the truth
The heart of the matter. 

He still had his ears
His sense of touch
His sixth sense
That distinguished right from wrong

It was not right to be away
Like this...
It was not right to take off
Like this...
It was not right to leave my Queen
Like this... 

Best I return
Before I am gone too long
So I took my horse
And made my way
Back home

En route
I faced many obstructions
Many who refused to let me pass
Many who refused to let me return

The trolls demanded payment
A sum equivalent to a ransom
As I tried to return
To my only abode

With each delay
And each obstruction;

I grew terrified;
Terrified of losing her
Terrified to know 
Terrified of not knowing
What had transpired in my
Long overdue absence. 

When I finally came home
To her, I was a stranger
I thought my achievements
Were her achievements.

How foolish I was!
Not to see;
That she had her own.

So I retired my trusted horse
And stayed by her side
How much I had missed
In my absence
How much her world 
Had grown
Without my presence. 

When we don't guard and protect
What is rightfully ours
We leave it open to scavengers
Who will come down 
To feast on the remains
Of what is not yet dead

It took me a long time to realise
And Admire

That her achievements 
Were also my achievements.

That the accolades in her name
Were the accolades in my name

I was used to being the authority 
The one who everyone came to
The one who always had the final word
The one who fought the battle
Before returning to his abode

But in the castle
She ruled as Queen
The Queen of Our Kingdom 

I had never answered to anyone
But now, I had to answer to her. 

I had never belonged to anyone
But now, I belonged to her. 

Even if I wanted to;
Even if I begged the Heavens
I could not belong to another.

So I rebelled.
I resented.
In my darkest hour, 
I even dared to hate her

For the power and sway
She held over me
For the authority
She held over my heart
For the grip
She held on my soul.

It took me a long time to accept
She is, was, and will forever be, 
Someone just like me.

Climbing the ladder of success
Proving her worth
Like the mountain goat
Reaching for the top 
Like the pole star
That never veers off course

By her side
On our singular ascent
Was where I belonged.

I finally understood
There was nowhere to go
There was nowhere else to be

And at long last
I was home in my soul. 

In business, I was the hunter
But in love, I was the swan
The serial monogamist
That mated for life. 

There would only ever be
One woman for me. 

There were many;
Many who came before her
There were many;
Many I callously left before her.

For me,
There was only Her. 

But to choose Her
Was to choose Saturn's obstacle course
An unforgiving path
On the journey to the treasure
That awaited my soul

She had the key
The key to my heart
And no matter where I went
Or where I ventured;

I made many mistakes
But I never strayed

She would never have stopped me
She granted me freedom

But I didn't want to be free

I didn't want to be free
Of her
I didn't want to be free
From her. 

For me,
There was only her. 
No one else ever came close

For without her key
They would not be allowed in.

I had given her the key to my heart
For safekeeping
And only she has ever had the power
To set me free. 
Image Credit: Elisabeth Alba and Deborah Blake

2 thoughts on “The Self-Made Woman

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