I am the Page of Cups

“I love you,” I blurt out.

I don’t know where those words came from or why I said them. But once I’d said it, I knew that there was no taking them back.

I am the Page of Cups – offering my heart, and my cup, to him when I really should know better seeing as how I am old enough, seasoned enough and wise enough to know better than to wear my heart on my sleeve. 

But I went ahead and did it. Offered my heart on a platter like some hopeless romantic. I didn’t plan it. No one pushed me into it. I wasn’t coerced. I was acting purely on instinct and intuition. 

Why, you ask?

Who the hell knows. The heart wants what it wants and who it wants. 

The Pages of the tarot deck represent the young, pure and innocent energy of that particular element. It is an open, free and uninhibited energy that has not been tempered with life experience and still has a lot to learn as it matures, grows and develops.

And clearly, I haven’t learnt a damn thing. 

Or perhaps I have…

I am no stranger to heartache. People have walked into my life, turned everything upside down and left my life in shambles as they walked out. They’re the ones that mess up, and yet I’m the one left in a heap picking up all the broken pieces. In my not so proud moments, I returned the favour. We’ll see who wins this game of who can hurt who more. 

Water energy at its most cruel and destructive. Oh yes – I remember those nasty fights. The ones where even when you win, you still lose. And now that I’m older, I realise how pointless and unnecessary it all was. But it was part of my journey growing up. The transition from a naive Page to a mature King. 

But that is not to say that I’ve forgotten the Page. How can I? After all these years, the purity and innocence of the element of water still lives on in me. 

I want to love. I want to be loved. I want to be understood. I want to offer my cup. 

And so I offer it. No holds barred. No inhibitions. 

“Love you, too,” he says.

He didn’t have to say it. I had always known. 

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