Japan is probably not a place where most foreigners would ever truly feel at home. But after three years here, I can safely say – it’s not exactly ‘home’, but it’s become very very familiar. After five weeks on the road for both professional and personal reasons, I’m back in my messy apartment that I never quite have time to clean. What an anticlimax…
My schedule is packed packed packed. I even have a couple more business trips coming up, so I will be on the road again… Yay…! But for now, my inbox is full of emails that constantly need to be answered. I’m back on my feet for hours and hours a day. It’s back to that daily grind stuff that I’m not sure I like, but the familiarity of it all feels oddly comforting in some strange way. It’s not quite home – but I’ve got an anchor in my life and I’m glad to have it.
Everything around me as exactly as I left it. The only thing that’s changed is my perspective.
I’ve made considerable progress in my day job – I know I have. But I’ve re-found my calling. My mind is busy playing around with the fantasy novel I’m currently writing. Yes – there are no guarantees with anything in life, but I feel back on track for the first time in three years.
I remember the girl I once was and the woman I am now. I’ve changed, grown up. Seen more. Learnt more. Been hurt. Gotten right up. Been betrayed. Been let down by people I (once) cared about. The usual dark night of the soul stuff that happens to us all. But deep deep down, my essence hasn’t changed. My calling is still the same.
When we are pursue our calling, we feel filled with a sense of purpose. When we’re doing what people expect of us, we look happy on the outside and feel terrible on the inside.
I’m done with success on paper. It’s time for the real thing.