I have something to admit. I’m a workaholic. I don’t know where the past four months went. I really don’t. I have a purple diary where I schedule in everything – including my personal life. Everything in my life happens as planned. I even have a colour-coding system to differentiate work from pleasure. It’s bloody ridiculous.
I can’t remember the last time I cooked a meal that wasn’t ‘fuel’. I love cooking. Having dinner parties. That type of thing. In the past 4 months, I haven’t had a single one. Shame on me for losing sight of what’s important.
My phone constantly lights up – an email, a Facebook message, a missed call. With each day that passes, another distraction shows up to compete for my attention. There’s always something to do. Someplace to be. Some opportunity to do something to get ahead in the never ending rat race.
Society has a way of using career success and money to justify all kinds of nonsense. For ‘career success’ we do all kinds of permissible crimes. We neglect our kids, our health, our sense of well-being… and even ourselves. We do it to succeed. But are we actually successful?
Success is not success unless it fits your definition of success. When you succeed on someone else’s terms by playing someone else’s rules – you ultimately feel empty. And no amount of money is going to make you feel better.
I’ve hated the rat race from when I was a Junior Analyst in a brokerage firm a decade ago. I hated it because it never ends. There’s always some new mountain to climb. Some poor soul to screw over to get to the next step. And what happens when you get there? There’s still someone who makes more money than you. Someone who is better-looking than you. Someone who has more Facebook friends than you.
And even when you do finally make it to the ‘top’ – how long will you actually stay there? How long will you remain on the top of that mountain before someone shows up to kick you off?
I’ve been thinking more and more about the Ten of Cups card. It came up in a reading I did two days ago and it got me thinking about why anyone bothers to work hard.
Ultimately, it’s for this isn’t it? A great marriage. Kids who are happy. A nice house. That type of thing.
As a woman, I know that we have more career opportunities available to us now than ever before. But I find myself thinking about a certain something that most modern women no longer see as a feasible option.
If you happen to have a partner who is willing and able to provide for you – would you be open to relying on him financially? Unless you’re a gold digger – the answer that most women give me is a loud and resounding HELL NO.
And I get it.
You want to know that you’ll be ok in the event that things go south. Or if something unspeakable happens to him – like being made redundant or unexpected death. There is nothing a man hates more than feeling like he’s powerless or that he’s let you down. And as a woman I’ll tell you that there’s nothing more frustrating than knowing that for you to be ok – someone else has to be ok. That you have to hold someone else together for you to be together.
To be honest, I’m not sure where I’m going with this blog post other than to admit that I seriously need to rethink my priorities.
Till next time, goodnight.